


Germany's Plan to Take Down the World

by Nika565



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Badass, Crazy, Germany being badass, Humor, Odd, Prank Wars, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Warning!, gets, this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-12-16
Updated: 2013-02-17
Packaged: 2017-11-21 06:39:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/594627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nika565/pseuds/Nika565
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Italy and others attack Germany with water guns filled with ice-water. Little did they know that Germany would get back at each. And. Every. One. Of. Them. This is a bit of a crack story</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Attack

**Germany’s Plan to Take Down the World**

Chapter One - The Attack -

Germany was working out at the same gym as usual, doing the same old routine. It was oddly quiet normally other people were there too. The only other person there was the person behind the counter who was listening to music and flipping through a magazine.

Oh well, he thought and went back to counting, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60… And so on.

He was so concentrated that he didn’t even here the bell give off a happy trill as the door opened and a lithe Italian entered, paying an entrance fee. Nor did he notice said person slowly making his way towards the blonde. But he certainly noticed when someone, namely, Italy, attacked him with a water gun. A water gun that was filled with ice cold water.

“ITALY!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!” Germany yelled after he recovered from the initial surprise and saw that the Italian man laughing.

“Veh~” He said happily before running off into a side room. Germany jumped up and yelled, “Italy! Get back here!” and started to chase him.

Italy ran into the room and stood behind a bench and said, “Veh~ Now guys!”

As Germany ran in, other countries jumped out from their hiding spots. He was assaulted from the front and from behind him, everyone attacking him with the cold water.

Italy, Romano, Prussia, Spain, France, Poland, Turkey, Hungary, Switzerland, Russia, China, Japan, the person from behind the counter, who had really been England in disguise, America, a random gun that seemed to be floating, and most surprisingly, Austria, all aimed their guns at the German.

Germany let out a (manly) yelp at the cold water assaulting him from all angles. All the countries proceeded to attack him and laughing for a few minutes until all of the water ran out.  
Once all of the water was gone, Germany was laughing along with them. Or so everyone shot. There was a lot of laughing, congratulations and high-fives going around.

Until Germany suddenly stopped laughing and his normally serious face returned. He looked at the nations one-by-one. They all stopped laughing and froze under his predatory glare. They were quick to understand that, even though he had been supposedly laughing along with him, in his head, he was planning his revenge against each and every one of them.

Everyone dropped their weapons (Could they be called that?) and ran out of the room.

Prussia was yelling at the top of his lungs, “ABORT SURPRISE ATTACK! ABORT SURPRISE ATTACK! TARGET HAS BEEN ANGERED! I REPEAT! ABORT! MISSION!”

“No shit, Sherlock!” England yelled at him.

“Mon ami! Just run!” France shouted at the albino.

They all ran and tripped over each other as they retreated form the building, putting as much distance between themselves and Germany as they could.

‘Oh yes. This is going to be fun,’ Germany thought to himself. Germany grinned evilly and grabbed a towel to dry himself off.

 


	2. Stealth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's England's turn first

**Germany’s Plan to Take Down the World**

Chapter 2 - Stealth -

Germany was sneaking around the streets of London, heading towards a very Victorian looking house. That house belonged to none other than the personification of England.

He had looked up his usual schedule ahead of time and knew that the Brit was not home and wouldn’t be for another few hours. He snuck around the back and lock picked the back door. Once that was achieved, he quietly opened the door and closed it behind him.

He went up the stairs to his room and went into the bathroom. He searched for the shampoo and conditioner, finding it opening the caps and adding another liquid. The shampoo and conditioner turned blue for a second than returned to its regular color with no sign that there was an addition.

Germany smirked and wished that he could see the other blonde’s reaction when he used it and realized what happened. He just laughed and walked out, looking for where he kept his stores of potions. He knew that they worked, as he had, rather unfortunately been on the receiving end of his spells or potions a few times. Not pleasant.

He was searching in a random hallway when he heard the doorway open. He paled, England was home.  He quickly opened a closet door and shut it behind him.

“Urgh! Damn French bastard!” He shouted. “Because of him I forgot the stuff for the spell I was going to do!” He heard England complain and saw him walk into his room. He heard something shifting and moving around and his footsteps fading. He stayed where he was, waiting for him to leave.

Before long, he heard the footsteps getting closer, something once again shifting and England walking out the bedroom door. He let out a breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding as he heard a car start and driving away.

Germany opened the door and went back to the room. What had he been doing in there? Germany thought to himself. He looked around, he saw a cat on the bed glaring at the intruder and flicking its tail. He ignored the cat and looked at the bookshelf opposite the bed. He noticed a book that looked odd, as it was tilting out at a weird angle. He went over to the bookshelf and pulled it. He heard a click and some gears shifting, and the shelf swung inwards and revealed a set of stairs.

Germany looked at it curiously and started heading down them. Once he reached the bottom, he saw more shelves filled with books and bottles alike. Germany looked at the odd collection of liquids that were every color and had various labels on them. He walked up to one that he saw was labeled ‘Age Reverser: With just a tablespoon added to a drink the consumer’s body will become that of a six year olds’

Really? Germany thought, very amused. He looked at it for a second before sliding the clear potion into his jacket pocket. He looked around once more and saw nothing else of interest. He went back up the stairs, returned the book to its proper position, said bye to the green-eyed cat and left the Englishman’s house.

He smirked as he planned his next plan of revenge.

~o~O~o~

England sighed. It had been a long day, and he just wanted to go to sleep, as it was rather late. He shucked off his shoes and jacket at the door and went up to his room and changed into his night clothes. He swatted away his cat, who had been pawing his face and meowing loudly, and promptly fell asleep.

The cat hissed a bit when he saw that his human had fallen asleep. He had been trying to tell him that another human had trespassed his sleeping space and went into the place that his human liked to go down when he was irritated, returning with a smirk on his face and another potion in hand.

~o~O~o~

England grumbled when he heard a trill of notes, notifying him that he had a message. He cursed and grabbed for his phone.

_Hey Iggy! Gonna pick you up in an hour for breakfast, ‘kay? THE HERO!_

England huffed and lay back in bed for another five minutes before getting up and putting the kettle on to make some tea. He sighed in contentment once he had finished the cup. He put the cup in the sink and went back upstairs to take a shower.

~o~O~o~

America let himself in using the key England had given him and laughed when he heard the shower still going. He went into the kitchen and made himself a cup of coffee, waiting for his lover to be done.

He heard the water stop and was just about to take a sip when a sudden shout startled him and caused him to drop the hot liquid onto himself. He cursed and then remembered England’s scream. He ran upstairs and knocked on the bathroom door.

“Iggy! Iggy! Are you okay?! Why did you scream?” America asked frantically.

England shouted obscene curses and the door slammed open revealing an England wearing only a towel around his waist. America eyed the towel than looked up almost laughing at what he saw.

“America!! MY HAIR’S BLUE!” England shouted, pointing to the newly dyed hair, eyebrows twitching. “IT’S BLUE!!!”

America burst out laughing at the absurd sight. “Dude! Why’d you do that?!” he asked and pointed to the blue-haired Englishman.

The cat sat smugly on the bed, eyes showing the message, _See, you should’ve listened to me last night you bloody idiot_. He twitched his tail in amusement and jumped off the bed, going outside in search of a new toy.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Aaaaannnd there is Germany’s first revenge. Does anyone get the reference? Lol.


	3. Kids

**Germany’s Plan to Take Down the World**

Chapter 3 - Kids -

Germany checked the beer in the fridge. It looked normal. He nodded, smirked and closed the door. He slipped on his jacket and went to the front door, sliding on his shoes.

“Prussia! Don’t touch my door in the fridge! I’m going out for a bit!” he shouted and shut the door behind him. Knowing his brother, this would go exactly as planned.

Upstairs, Prussia perked up at the sound of the word beer. Surely West knew better then to tell him, right? He laughed his weird ‘Kesesese,’ and went to the kitchen. Sure enough, an untouched 24 pack of beer was just sitting in there. He shouted in excitement and pulled out his phone, texting France and Spain.

_DUDE! West left a two dozen pack of beer in the fridge!! GET OVER HERE NOW!_

Toni: _Really? I am on my way mi amigo!_

Franny: _Quoi? Vraiment? Coming over right now mon ami~_

Prussia cackled and pulled the beer out of the fridge, and set it on the table. Eight a piece. YEAH!! He laughed again and opened a bottle. No point in waiting, he thought to himself. He took a long sip and then voiced his pleasure in the drink. The door opened and his two friends came in, eyeing the beer.

“Let’s drink!” Prussia shouted and they all downed a bottle of the alcohol.

As they all drank more, their senses dulled, so they didn’t notice that they were gradually getting shorter, faces getting more child-like in appearance.

When Spain excused himself to the bathroom, he then noticed how high up everything looked, and how loose his clothes were. He looked at his hands, vision a bit unfocused due to the beer, and wondered if he had had just a bit too much if he was hallucinating like this. This was definitely a first for him. He shrugged and finished up his business.

When he returned to the room, he saw that Prussia and France looked younger as well, their clothes hung loosely on them, Prussia’s long sleeved shirt flapping around like the shirts that China wore.

“Mi Amigo? Why do you look so short?” he asked, words slurring just a bit.

Prussia laughed drunkenly, “Why do _you_ look so short?!”

France tried focusing and saw his brown-haired friend looking rather worried, he rubbed his chin as he usually did when he was worried, expecting to feel the roughness of his stubble, but only felt smooth skin. He tilted his head in confusion and tried again, still no stubble. He stumbled into the bathroom and focused on his reflection. His hair was shorter. He saw no stubble. His face was more rounded and chubby looking. “Mon dieu.. What is going on?” he mumbled to himself.  He looked like a child.

He went back out to where his two friends were and found Prussia poking Spain’s cheeks in enjoyment, “Kesesese! Why are your cheeks so squishy?!” he pinched his cheeks and Spain flinched and pinched Prussia’s cheek in counter-attack.

“I could say the same about you!” he said angrily, pinching both of his cheeks and stretching out his face.

“Ow, ow, ow, OW OW OW OW!! Stop that, not awesome!!!” Prussia said and retreated to the other end of the couch, rubbing his cheeks and pouting. Spain instantly brightened and tackled Prussia into a hug, “So CUUUUTTTE!” he said.

France noticed that his voice was higher pitched, like it sounded when they had been kids.

“Your childish face reminded me of when Roma was still small!” Spain cooed as he continued hugging Prussia.

Prussia just laughed and pulled away from the over-affectionate Spaniard.

France sighed and wished that his friends had longer attention spans. He thought of how this could’ve happened. Then he thought of whose house they were at. _Mon dieu…_

~o~O~o~

Germany decided that he had wandered the streets long enough. Those three had probably drunk enough beer to find out the effects of messing with him. He turned the corner and started heading back to his house. He stopped at the store and bought a twelve pack of beer and took one out, idly sipping it as he pictured their surprise.

He smiled to himself and opened the door to his house. He walked into the living room and saw the three on the couch passed out. Their bodies couldn’t take the amount of alcohol that they normally consumed. They would have a killer headache in the morning. He picked up the three of them and buckled them into the back seats of his car.

Then Germany drove over to Romano’s, picking up the child-Spain and knocked on the door. He heard some cussing and someone stomping to the door way and pulling it open. He narrowed his eyes when he saw Germany. “What do you want potato bastard?”

“I was just dropping off your Spaniard,” he said, shifting the child in his arms to bring him to the Italians attention. Romano looked at the child and blushed, recognizing the Spaniard. He automatically opened his arms and Germany transferred the now sleeping Spain into his arms. Germany smirked and returned to his car, using the Italians distraction and grabbed Prussia and France, went inside (Romano had walked off somewhere inside with Spain) and dropped the two off onto a couch and promptly left.

He thought to himself, ‘Four in one shot. Not bad.’

As he drove home, he wondered who he would get next, and how.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The part from the last chapter I got from the MMD of England. Just type in ‘Hetalia England’s hair is blue’ on YouTube and it is the first video.


	4. O.MA.KE.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuation of the last chapter, BTT kids!

**Germany's Plan to Take Down the Word**

Chapter 4 – O.MA.KE –

"Fucking Potato Bastard!" Romano shouted as he tried and failed for the umpteenth time to calm the hyper-active trio.

They had woken up hours ago (around 5 in the AM), and they were only affected by their hangovers for around an hour after that. They had been running around the house and surrounding property until they decided it was about time that their 'adult' woke up.

Romano had been woken up rather unceremoniously at 7. By Spain jumping up and down on his chest and demanding food, "Roma~ Get up and make us some food, de acuerdo?

Was I really that annoying? Romano thought angrily to himself as he threw the small version of Spain out the window. The  _second_  story window and screaming, "Leave me alone Tomato Bastard! I was sleeping!"

The three had thought he might do that. France and Prussia were waiting on ground level, a taut blanket between them ready to catch their friend. Spain whooped in excitement as he fell from the second story window and landed on the blanket, relatively unharmed.

They cheered and Prussia laughed and yelled to Romano, "Yo! Romano! My turn next!"

Romano glared at the trio from his window, not entertained. He stomped downstairs and locked the front door, thinking that they were still outside. He smirked and turned around, seeing the trio heading to the kitchen.

He stood there very confused and chose to not question it. He reluctantly started making them tomato and cheese omelets, it was a better alternative then have them try to cook in their child forms and possibly burn down his house.

Once he was done he made them sit, he gave them their food and they all said thanks in their mother language before eagerly eating. Romano took his food and ate at the counter.

Once he finished eating, Spain jumped out of his chair and ran to Romano and hugged his legs, "Gracias Roma~," he said. Romano blushed at how innocent he looked and muttered, "No problem."

After they ate, the three were refueled. Romano groaned as they started jumping on the couches. Honestly… they were powerful countries (Ex-country in Prussia's case), and they were jumping on couches like undisciplined children.

He went into his office and turned on his iPod and put it into a dock, turning up the volume in hopes of blocking out their loud screams, and started typing out an essay his boss wanted by tomorrow.

But that was not to happen…

He heard a loud crash and Prussia's odd laugh and the other two shouting in shock.

Romano stood up and started yelling curse words in Italian, going to see what they had done. He stopped when he had entered his living room. On the ground was his 75" TV. Facedown. Smashed to bits. He stood there frozen for a few seconds before he turned to the trio.

Prussia was rolling on the floor laughing his ass off.

France and Spain looked at each other and noticed their disadvantage of being in the small bodies. Romano was rather strong if he was pissed off enough. And something told them that he was pissed off. They nodded at each other and ran in opposite directions, deciding to scatter.

They had forgotten about Prussia, and had left him on the floor. Romano picked up the albino and walked to the kitchen, opening a drawer and grabbed a length of rope.

Prussia had finally noticed what Romano was doing and struggled to get out of Romano's grasp, and failing. Romano grabbed a chair and went to the guest bedroom and opened the walk-in closet. He positioned the chair, sat Prussia down, and proceeded to wrap the length of rope around him, tying a secure knot once he was done.

"Hey! So not awesome! Let me go!" Prussia yelled trying to escape the bounds.

Romano smirked. "If you keep struggling, you're going to fall over." Prussia immediately stopped moving and glared at the Italian.

_Now for the other two_ , Romano thought to himself, leaving the closet and began searching for the Spaniard and Frenchman.

He found France in his room, looking under the bed muttering to himself, "Je me demande où la pornographie est sa..." [I wonder where his porn is…]

Romano picked him up and he yelled out, "Why are you in here Frenchie?!"

"Where is your porn?! I know you have some!" France yelled as he tried to wriggle out of Romano's grasp. He grabbed another chair and gave him the same treatment as Prussia.

"So not cool Romano! Let me go or you shall paaaaayyyy!" Prussia yelled as Romano left them alone.

"Shut up bastardo, or I  _will_  get the duct tape," he said menacingly.

Prussia growled and France hushed him, knowing they would be there for a while.

Romano stalked around his house looking for Spain. He searched the whole house, twice and then stopped and frowned. He had a tomato garden! Of course the Tomato Bastard would be there!

He went outside and looked for him in the garden. Sure enough he was out there, eating one of his tomatos.

"Those are my tomato's, bastard!" Romano shouted, surprising the Spaniard. He started running. "Get back here!"

Romano started chasing him and after fifteen minutes of running around the gardens he finally caught him. "Stupido spagnolo! Ho intenzione di rubare tutti i pomodori! Io così voglio uccidere voi ei vostri amici stupidi. E una volta mi sono fatto con voi tre, sto per andare una 'chat' con quel bastardo maledetto tedesco! Fanculo tutto!" He shouted getting angrier and angrier. He brought Spain to his friends where he tied him up as well.

[Stupid Spaniard! I am going to rob all of your tomatoes! I so want to kill you and your stupid friends. And once I am done with you three, I am going to go have a 'chat' with that damn German bastard! Fuck everything!]

He stalked out of the house, leaving and not telling when he would be back.

Prussia continued to struggle and France was trying to calm down a sobbing Spain.

"Mes amis, what's wrong? Why are you crying? Surely your Roma will release you once he comes back."

Spain continued to cry, but in between sobs he managed to stutter out, "I didn't get to finish my tomato."

France paused once he understood what his friend said.

"Really? Really Toni?! We are locked in a raging Italians closet and we have no idea where he went or when he will be back. And you are crying because you didn't get to finish your TOMATO?!" Prussia yelled scooting closer to Spain so he could try and kick his seat over.

France sighed and scooted his chair to the corner so that he would both be out of their way and so he wouldn't be able to get knocked over.

This is going to take a long time, he thought to himself and looked on amusedly as he watched Prussia continuing to kick Spain's chair.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt going in depth on how Romano handled the Bad Touch as children. The next chapter shall be Germany getting some more revenge D
> 
> I have no idea how it all happened ^^ It was very entertaining to write though~
> 
> I recalled the chibiromano episode where he tries to wake up Spain and asking for breakfast, so I reversed the role, haha. Romano was obviously not entertained

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I have had this account, but haven't really tried to work out this site. Kind of confusing at the moment. I will get it to work.
> 
> If you are wondering if this sounds vaguely familiar or something, I also have this up on Fanfiction.


End file.
